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Make Time for Your Loved Ones

Because Christmas is coming and because a person very close to me is leaving the country I decided to write today about family relations.

From my experience the relationship you have with your family is the most complicated of human relations. They are complicated because we cannot choose or change our family, they are for life and we depend on them, especially as children. Our parents do their best to raise us well, but they are not perfect, no human being is, and, as children, we find ourselves completely dependent on people that are not always fair to us, that are breaking our autonomy and that scold us. Because our entire life revolves around our family, there are a lot of facts, words and gestures done by the adults in our life that we interpret as rejection. This leaves the little child frightened and insecure.  Security, autonomy and fairness are basic needs for a child and if one or several are missing for a longer period of time the child starts blaming the ones close to him. He knows deep down that this is not correct and that he should be heard and treated fairly.  In time, the blame grows and the frustration turns into negative feelings towards his loved ones. As adults, we will try to escape these feelings and the relatives that induce them and we will continue to blame the persons we used to blame as children.

And, unfortunately, we spend our adult life trying to avoid seeing or talking to the loved ones because we are still trapped in the mind of the child. We meet them because we have to, not gladly, and when stay with them we usually wish we were doing something else.

Other times, even if we do not blame them, our life changes so much, the loved ones grow old and we start thinking that they do not fit into our program anymore. Or, the favorite excuse, that we are too busy to spend time with them. And again we end up avoiding them.

All the frustration and negative feelings we might have toward our close family can be overrun but we need to put determination and effort into it.

I have noticed that for me, the wake-up call comes when a close relative is gone from my life. That’s when I start missing them and I realize how much they meant to me. I wish I had spent more time with them, enjoying their presence instead of avoiding them.

You have probably noticed that the places where you grew up are the most familiar places in the world for you. Even if you have not seen them for years, they still seem more familiar than any other place you have ever been to. They are imprinted in your heart and, usually, these places bring you the peace and joy of childhood. It’s there where you are most in touch with yourself and I’ve learned that it’s the same with people. Spending time with the people you grew up with, can offer you a certain peace and comfort that you cannot find anywhere else. As long as you cannot reconcile with them, you cannot find your true self and your inner peace.

What about you? With whom would you like to reconcile this Christmas?