When I chose to become a freelancer a few years back I did not take the decision lightly, I weighed it for some time and it seemed that it was the right choice for me back then. But the truth is I had no idea what was in store for me following this decision.
Now, looking back I am glad I took that decision, I have learned and experienced so much more during this period than I would have had as an employee. And part of the reason I decided not to return to my corporate job was because I felt I was not living and using my full potential. But I am not going to lie: self-employment has been a bumpy ride so far. On the positive side, I am happier and more fulfilled with my career. I get to make my own schedule and most importantly I get to follow my passion. It feels like I am doing what I was born to do: accompany people in their journey through life.
On the negative side, it is very challenging. I would say this part of my life has been more about unlearning than about learning, it made me reconsider many of my beliefs, attitudes and behaviors. Receiving coaching as a client has never been more beneficial for me. There were a few things I particularly struggled with and with some I still do.
One of the things I struggled with, especially at the beginning, was starting over again. This was so much harder to grasp now, in my early forties, than it was in my twenties. As a leader in the corporate world, I had a status that satisfied my ego. I had knowledge and experience in the field and taking over a new leadership role meant no challenge for me. I was ninety percent confident I could succeed as a manager and leader no matter what was thrown at me. In my new job, coaching and training, even though I had some experience, I was still a newbie, especially with finding new clients. The people I interacted with in this new field were so much more knowledgeable and experienced than I was. It was a tough pill to swallow. But, bit by bit, things started to improve and I started to feel more confident in my coaching and training craftmanship and in my abilities to deliver good quality to my clients. Still on the path I would say, but definitely better.
The second thing I struggled with was the fact that, as a freelancer, I had a lot less control over the outcome of my actions than I did as an employee. The corporation works a lot like what I was used to in my life until then: I got some objectives set by someone else (manager as an employee, teacher or parent as a child), I learned and worked hard to reach them and after that I got the validation and benefits I was hoping for. Of course, I did not always get all the benefits I wanted, but at least I had somebody else to blame for this 😊. As a freelancer this is completely different, I need to learn to set the goals for myself, work for myself and hope to get the benefits. Even though it seemed easy from the outside, deciding what to do and where to invest my time and energy proved to be particularly difficult. It is a lot like shooting in the dark, especially at the beginning, seeing what works and what’s not, wasting a lot of resources and taking responsibility for my mistakes.
Which brings me to the third challenge I faced and still facing. As a student and later as an employee, I have never failed at anything. I have never had to deal with real failure when I also needed to face the consequences, at least not until now. I always managed to fix my mistakes and I think I was careful not to risk too much so that I would not face failure. Failure was not an option for me as a child, it was like the end of the world if I failed at something. I will not go into details here, but until my freelancer journey, I did not learn how to deal with failure. As freelancer, I had success and failure and I know I will continue to do so in the future, it’s what life’s all about. And beating myself down for every failure is not productive at all. I know how important resilience is in my new professional career and that recovering fast after a failure is the key to success. Yet, it still proves difficult for me sometimes to just let it go, stop judging myself and move forward.
Freelancing seems to me now as a road to the unknown: it comes with a lot of uncertainty but also with a lot of satisfaction. It is not easy, especially at the begining, but it is so fulfilling. And it is important to have around people who support you unconditionally so it’s easier to overcome the bumps in the road and focus on what’s important.