My thoughts below are a description of how I do things and what worked for me in my professional life so far. They are not at all meant to be a recipe for success, this is what proved successful for me in the external circumstances I was presented with at a certain point in my life. Still, I strongly believe they can be successfully replicated in different environments. This is my way but for sure not the only way. I hope it inspires you and it gives you an idea on what to expect when working with me.
Coaching
If I were to describe my coaching style in one word, that would be compassionate. Compassion is such an underrated and underused human approach. Compassion does not mean feeling pity for the other person and trying hard to “get them out of their misery” because we cannot stand feeling their negative emotions. Compassion means I am here for you during this time we are together, here and now, with all my being no matter what you throw at me. I listen, ask questions, make mindful observations about what I hear, without judging in any way what you are telling me. I contain and mirror all your emotions no matter how negative or intense they might be and, most of all, I care. I care about what is important to you. When truly genuine, compassion heals, it heals the other and it heals us.
Why is compassion so important in coaching? Because when the client comes to me with a problem or an aspiration they have, compassion will allow them to feel safe to share it with me, compassion will create, what we call in coaching, the good relationship between coach and client – a relationship much needed so that the coaching process can proceed successfully. Feeling safe to share anything without the fear of being judged or the fear of any other consequences and knowing they have a companion who truly cares, allows the client to go as deep as they need into their mind and soul to see what is keeping them from finding the answer they seek. I trust the client that they will find the solution that fits them best at this moment in their life, they have all the resources they need to do that, and I trust the coaching process. I have seen it doing wonders so many times, that there is no doubt in my mind that everyone involved will get what they need from it every time. Once found, the solution will propel the client towards their goals easily and smoothly: no uneasiness, no confusion, no doubt just clear laser focused action.
During my coaching sessions I like to create a laid back, playful atmosphere that fosters a relaxed dialog on meaningful topics where we explore what is important to you, what you want to gain out of our coaching sessions and how you can get there
Leadership
To me, leadership is primarily about how to convince employees to work efficiently towards company set goals. It might seem at a first glance that employers and employees have different agendas and objectives, and the leader has to decide whose side to take. But after 10 years working as a leader, I strongly believe these agendas can be reconciled for the benefit of all parties involved, and it’s the leader’s job to do that. To me, this is what makes the leader’s role so challenging; they must represent the company’s goals in front of the employees and the employee’s goals in front of the company. If we think in simple terms, the company needs its employees to work and accomplish the objectives set on the long run and the employees want to receive material benefits for their work as well as psychological ones.
If we take the material benefits the employees want, Daniel Pink’s research on motivation published in his book ‘Drive’ states that money and material benefits are not a motivator for tasks that imply using even minimal cognition and we are motivated by what he calls mastery, autonomy and purpose. That is not to say that material benefits do not matter at all, they do, but they act more like a demotivator if the employees feel they are not remunerated enough.
Most of the people I know, have at least a general idea about how much their work is worth and how much they can get elsewhere. So, what the company needs to do and what the leader should advocate for is that the employees are paid correctly so that the material benefits do not become a demotivator, in Daniel Pink’s words: ‘pay people enough to take the issue of money off the table’. In other words, money and benefits above a certain threshold do not insure more productivity. So, if the company keeps a balance between the benefits they offer to the employees and what they can get elsewhere, it should be safe.
As for the psychological needs, David Rock’s SCARF model offers valuable information. In both our personal and professional lives, we have the need for:
- Status – the need to be recognized by those who matter to us, to feel worthy
- Certainty – the need to be able to predict our future to feel psychologically safe
- Autonomy – the need to have control over what we do and how we do it
- Relatedness – the need to connect to others, to have good relationships with the people around us
- Fairness – the need to feel treated with fairness according to the status in the group
These psychological needs act like up/ down buttons, they can be pressed to fulfill the need and make the person feel well or to demotivate them and make them feel lousy. Each of us have different sensitivity to these buttons and different thresholds, and the leader needs to pay attention to his employees and the environment so that he catches the events that could trigger negative emotions and take corrective measures. Most of the times the leader cannot undo the triggering event but even talking to the person about it, helps a great deal. Plus, it is an opportunity for the leader to gain trust and to build even further the relationship with the employee. When these needs are negatively stepped on, the employees will feel demotivated and their work and fulfilling company’s objectives will suffer. Sometimes it is impossible to avoid these kinds of events, like for example when layoffs must be made, but explaining the situation and showing employees your side of the coin goes a long way. Also, the leader should aim to press these buttons on the positive side as much as they can without overselling or losing its authenticity. Bear in mind that pressing positively on these buttons only works if the leader’s relationship with the employee is one based on mutual trust and the employee feels safe to share its concerns. If the good relationship between the parties is not there, the employee’s actions are usually routed in fear, which might work for some time but not for long and with limited results. At the same time, a leader that values relationships too much over achieving objectives loses employee credibility and the team might get complacent. A leader should aim to be respected and not necessarily liked.
Related to our day-to-day tasks, what motivates us to work better and harder and, in the end, achieve company’s objective (according to Daniel Pink) is:
- Mastery – the need to get better at what we do
- Autonomy – the need to have control over what we do and how we do it, to feel empowered
- Purpose – the need to work for something ‘greater’ than ourselves
So, if our job offers us the possibility to get better at what we do, to have a sense of control over our work, to take decisions at our level and to feel empowered, at the same time, if it gives us the feeling that we take part in the creation of something ‘greater’ than ourselves, that makes us feel we are leaving something behind, chances are we will increase our effort and walk that extra mile to accomplish the company’s objective. And all the extra work and effort will not even feel hard, we will feel accomplished and proud about ourselves and the work we have done. To me this is the opposite of burnout and this is how the companies should aim at attaining their objectives.
If we take a closer look, the material investment the company must do to have great results is not huge, they just need to remunerate people correctly. A good productivity in the company comes down to great leadership skills starting from top leaders and spread all throughout all levels of leaders. For most people it matters more how they are treated and what psychological benefits they get in the company than the material benefits they are gaining there. And if we think about it, it is the same in life: as long as we gain enough to take the issue of money off the table it all comes down to how well we feel.